My Beloved Pony Max

Having routines in your life is a strategy in grief processing and recovery. It helps your brain feel safe when it knows what to expect. Grief throws a huge curve ball right to the face and can knock us off our feet. Consistency can bring some comfort to take a pause and catch your breath.

My horse, Pony Max, was that for me. He made me feel safe when I would visit him to brush him and clean his hoofs. I would hug him and let him breathe on my head. I would tell him about the week and what had been happening. I’d listen to the birds and be getting exercise in the sun as I walked him to the bathing station or stood with him while he grazed. He would nicker and eat treats from my hand and nose my pocket for more. When I brushed his mane, I would feel like a happy, eight-year-old girl.

I didn’t grow up around horses so this was my childhood dream to own a horse which I realized in June of 2015 when I purchased him. He was my heart horse. It took years to gain his trust and I faced a lot of fears riding him and caring for him. I didn’t feel lonely when I was with him. He helped me get through my divorce and several deaths of humans (3) and animals (4) that I loved.

Loving and caring for a horse had highs and lows. I worried about him, a lot! When he had thrush, or when there were torrential rain storms. When he had issues in the herd or on 95-degree days. When he had fecal water syndrome and his tail froze into an ice block. When he got rain rot or started losing weight. He was old and had many medical conditions the vet and my daughter and I were managing.

My daughter also loves horses and sharing in his care and spending time with him together was really nice. Bringing him watermelon on the 4th of July and molasses treats on Christmas and making him special treats for his birthday were things we did together.

We would shop online together to get him a new halter, or a monogramed fly mask. We would meet the farrier together and take turns riding him in his younger days.

Having a horse also brought me closer to other people and I developed new friendships after purchasing Pony. It was fun to be a part of a barn family and talk to like-minded people comparing saddle types, feed shops, or mane conditioner.

In May of 2025, Pony Max crossed the rainbow bridge. He was 28-years old and had lived a nice retirement. He lived in a pasture with a pony friend and they had lots of grass to eat. We had stopped riding him, so he just got to relax and enjoy his time off after a busy career being a show horse in his younger days.

I enjoyed the past ten years living my dream with him by my side. I have no regrets for following my dream of owning a horse and sticking by and caring for him as he aged. I will treasure the times my daughter and I spent with him.

I miss him so much and am taking it one day at a time as I rebuild the structure of my weeks and figure out where I will spend my time. I will create new routines and am forever grateful for the moments I spent with my beloved Pony Max.

Graze in peace.